It's Been a While

Hi everyone! I know that it has been a while, I'll start off with a big thank you to everyone for all of your help. The meals are delicious and the little surprises for the girls have made their day(s). As most of you know we have been so blessed to have David working locally. Currently he leaves on Thurs. mornings and arrives back home on Saturday afternoons. This is great for taking care of me and the girls. We get them ready for school and he drives them Mon-Thurs. and they spend Thurs and Fri night with my mom and dad. Mom goes into work late on Fris so that she can take the girls to school. Last week Laila started going to the preschool at Gar-Field also. She has fun and Mom and I feel it is much better than her sitting in an office all day. I am getting better (slowly), so hopefully we will start a new schedule soon...one with me involved.
We have been spending a lot of time with doctors which I have been very unhappy about because I am supposed to be on a break. I did not really start feeling the side effects until the middle of Jan. and it hit me like a train. I tried to continue my life in slow motion, but it was no use. I finally realized that I was again a patient and needed to act like one. I went for my scan in Jan and was told that I was stable, but had to endure 2 more rounds(months) of chemo. I did my full day on Jan 23, but had a low fever on Feb 6th~no chemo, they did xrays, blood work and blood cultures. Nothing showed up. Mom and Dad kept the kids for a long weekend because David and Jo Ann went to NC to visit Nanny (she was just diagnosed with late stage myeloma) and was very sick and Laila had a fever. David came home late Mon night and the next day I had an apt. with Dr. Malik. We decided at that apt not to go thru with my last round of chemo because my body was so broken down and could not handle any more. I was upset about this at first thinking the more I do now, the less likely this will come back later. When Dr. Malik informed me that one more round of chemo while I was stable would only give me a 3-4% chance of it not coming back I felt a huge sense of relief. On the way home we took Laila to her docs. They told us that she had a virus...isn't it always? I was feeling worse on Thurs, but had no fever when David left for work. I told my mom that I was feeling fine and did not need her to come help with the kids that evening. I made the kids dinner and finally took my temp. it was 103.6, bad for anyone, but horrible for a cancer patient! I called the oncologist on call, waited an hour for him to call back. I was delusional thinking that I could take some tylenol and see my doc the next day. He told me that I had to go to the ER, but allowed me to go to our local ER instead of driving all the way to Georgetown. Dad came and got the kids, Mom drove me to the ER. Happy Valentine's Day!:( I was lucky that they were not busy and they took me back almost immediately. The 1st thermometer read 100 I asked my nurse to take it with a dif thermometer and it read 103.6. I was glad that I spoke up because with such a dif in temps I am sure they thought I was a hypochondriac at first. It took what seemed like forever for the doc from Georgetown to call the hospital back, but the ER doc stepped up while we were waiting. I had blood work (including cultures) chest xrays, fluids and iv antibiotics while we waited. After all of that the doctor came in and said that she and the other doctor recommended that I stay for a transfusion. I reluctantly allowed them to admit me only because they told me that I would be going home the next day. DON'T GO TO THE ER, THEY'LL KEEP YOU! I checked into my room around 3, received my blood around 4 and finally talked my mom into leaving around 4:30. Glad she was there though, thanks Mom! ~Little info about our local hospital~ I was told that I was going to receive at least 2 units of blood, when I asked the 2nd day about the transfusion I was told that I was still losing a lot of blood and they were not going to give me any more. WOW save it for people that have enough then. 4 days, 1 unit of blood, 4 units of antibiotics, 6 units of potassium, 3 units of magnesium, 4 white cell shots, and 1 red cell shot later I was discharged. (Guess I needed to be there.) They only let me go because I had an apt in Georgetown the next day. David drove me to my colonoscopy, cauterization to clear up some of the radiation side effects. I have not been doing much better, but have been trying. I still can't eat with out getting sick, but have another colonoscopy on Mon.
Pray that this is the end of it, all of it. I would just like to get back to normal, the girls are sick of it too. Laila is doing ok, but not well. Savannah is doing well in school, she is in a 1st grade reading/writing group and we are so proud. She is reading Dr. Seuss and Mercer Meyer books at home~some are pretty hard, but she never gives up :) Laila is finally writing letters, and small words~she could before, she just refused. They both yell alot and have started getting in and out of bed for hours every night. David has been trying, but is having a very hard time with everything. He has never had to really clean and cook before. He has almost mastered the laundry, but the jury is out on everything else. He is a wonderful man and I love him dearly. Kallie is still not speaking to me. In early Oct. I received a message from her my space from someone pretending to be her. This has happened several times in the past thru email and caused many problems. I was not willing to fall into the trap again and had her password changed. We talked and I reminded her of our password rules/agreement, she told me of the ones at her Dad's (they wanted them). Anyways, I would not give her the password because I knew that the past would become my present and I refuse to allow that to happen again. David has kept in contact for me of course (until I get well) and kept me updated. Since Oct. grades have fallen, she is in trouble again and they have asked us to take Kallie back. After long discussions and a lot of prayer and crying we decided that we just could not do it right now. We decided that I needed to finish treatments and get well before this could happen. I still feel extreme amounts of guilt and know that she will never understand why she could not move. However stress is also a major factor in my recovery (that is why David does not tell me everything). We will discuss it again with everyone when I am well.
I know I started rambling, that's the latest and I'm hoping to have some good news soon. I think of all of you often. I told you that if we ever slowed down life would be boring, but a little bit of boring couldn't hurt.
I Love you all!! Love, Tracy